The Spice Rack – BDSM Checklist

I was thinking about erotic fiction the other day, particularly that which involves BDSM, and wondered how many people read it and would like to experiment, but remain ‘in the closet’ for fear of being judged by their partners.

Of course, communication is crucial, but it has to start somewhere. How many people in vanilla-type relationships, who can’t even ask their partner for oral sex, are likely to sit at the supper table and casually say they want to be tied up and spanked while wearing nipple clamps and a butt-plug? How many would indulge in kinkier pursuits if they were sure their partner was on board without having to make themselves vulnerable?

There are plenty of BDSM checklists available on the internet, but most I’ve come across require full-disclosure and frequent trips to Wikipedia. The prospect of sharing every single kinky dream and nightmare with a partner could easily be a barrier to some very satisfying sexploration. Not everyone is able to cannon-ball into the deep end of the kinky pool. Some may want to dip a toe by finding common ground to explore with a partner and then explore deeper as they become more comfortable.

After a lot of digging, I came across two interesting websites. Both have interactive checklists that reduce vulnerability by restricting the information shared with the other partner

Sexionnaire is basically a yes/no type questionnaire and great for identifying mutual interests – check the box for yes, don’t check it for no. This site only shares the activities where the boxes were checked by both partners.

Mojo Upgrade has 4 possible answers, yes, we already do that, if my partner is interested, and no. This site only shares the yes and if my partner is interested answers, so it is a pretty good next step to expanding sexual horizons before graduating to the the full-on, no holds barred BDSM checklists.